Syntonica's World   
It's a Joyous Place!
Welcome to the latest version of my world. Enjoy the words and music.
Iceland Reverts to Human Sacrifice
Thu 20 May 2010
11:35:20

With continuing woes of volcanic eruptions and a failed economy, Iceland has returned to the practice of human sacrifice in hopes to placate both the volcano and the EU, whose air traffic has been seriously curtailed due to tons of ash spewed into the atmosphere.

"We are really, really, really, really sorry," stated Prime Minister Johanna Sigurdardottir in a press release today given to Sidwaya, beloved newspaper of Ouagadougouans everywhere. "In order to make it up to the world, we have selected Bjork to be the first human sacrifice. Only because she's the only Icelander that anybody's ever heard of..."

Ears around Burkina Faso the world breathed a sigh of relief.
Pull The Rug Out! -- A Card Game for Two
Sun 16 August 2009
23:28:06

A simple card game for two players.

Object: Be the last man standing.
Requirements:
1 Standard deck of 52 cards
2 tokens of different types: pawns, coins, hats, etc. to represent the players.

Set-up:
Shuffle the cards and deal out a tidy 7x7 square to create the playing field. For the last three cards, deal one face up to each player. This is their Reserve card. Deal the last card face up to the side. This is the Redeal card. If either player's Reserve card is the same rank as the Redeal card, then the other player swaps out their Reserve card with the Redeal card. The Redeal card needs to be unique. If all three cards are the same rank, swap out the center card on the board with the Redeal card. If this is the fourth card of that rank, pack it in--it's been a long day.

Finally, each player places their token on one of the corner cards on their side of the board.

Play:
Argue about whose turn it is to go first. Who ever moves first now moves. At each of their turns, a player moves their token one card orthoganally--either up, down, or to either side--and onto another card. They may not move diagonally nor may they move onto an empty space.

The player notes what rank they have moved OFF of and removes a card of that rank from the board and adds it to the discard pile. They may choose any one they wish, even the one the opponent is sitting on, thus "pulling the rug out" from beneath them and winning the game. Cards of the same rank as the Redeal card are added with it.

Before a player moves, they may also choose to place their Reserve card onto the board on any open space they choose. Usually, this is a space next to the card their token rests upon as they have no other play available to them. Once used, the Reserve card as not replaced.

Redeal:
If the other three cards as the same rank as the Redeal card are removed, a redeal is triggered. All of the Redeal cards and the discard pile are shuffled together and the cards are then dealt out to refill the board to its full 49-card glory. The Redeal card is not replaced and any remaining undealt cards are put into a new discard pile.

Finally, a player who is unable to move on their turn automatically loses the game!

That's it! Enjoy!

Of course, these are the basic rules and others can be added, such as:

--When removing a King, you may remove any King or any card of the same suit as the King moved off of.

--Removed cards may be collected by the players and if they collect four-of-a-kind, they may keep one as another Reserve card and discard the other three. A Redeal causes all collected cards to be returned and players must start collecting anew. If there are not enough cards to fill the board for a redeal, leave the space or spaces farthest from the player's tokens open.

--Players may capture each other by moving onto the card occupied by the other player's token, thereby winning the game. Or, losing the game. :)

--After a Redeal, Beaming may be instated. Instead of moving normally, the player may Beam to another card of the same rank, removing the card they beamed from.

--Three of four persons may play. Each player chooses one of the 3 cards in the corner closest to them to start--the corner card and the two orthogonal ones. The Reserve cards do not belong to anyone until the number of players has dwindled to two. Whoever's turn it is after the third player is knocked out, leaving only two players, may choose which Reserve card to keep and which to give to the opponent.

Email me with other rules you have invented and I will add them.
Un Capeau Noir
Thu 25 June 2009
01:19:48

An American couple is in Paris, a much awaited trip, when suddenly the wife dies of a heart attack. The husband decides to have her buried there as the visit to France was something they had longed for for many years. All arrangements are made when he suddenly realizes that he doesn't have a black hat for the funeral. The hotel concierge tells him that what he wants is a "chapeau noir." So off he goes to find a store open late.

First he meets a gendarme and in his fractured French asks, "M'sieur, ou pouvais-je acheter un capeau noir?"

The policeman is a bit surprised but, after thinking a bit, gives our friend directions. The store--if that is what it is--looks a little seedy and run down, but the man behind the counter looks friendly so in goes our friend. He speaks first:

"M'sieur, je veux acheter un capeau noir."

"Mais, monsieur, j'ai des capeaux rouges, des capeaux blancs, et des capeaux marrons, mais pas des capeaux noires. Pourquoi avez vous besoin d'un capeau noir?"

"Ma femme est morte."

"O Monsieur! Quelle beau sentiment!"

(Old gag stolen from the 'Net.)
Now is the Time...
Wed 10 June 2009
12:59:08

Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their parties.
Now is the time for all good cops to come to the aid of their pastries.
Now is the time for all good strippers to come to the aid of their pasties.
Now is the time for all good Spins to come to the aid of their Marties.
Now is the time for all good fencers to come to the aid of their parries.
Now is the time for all welshmen to come to the aid of their pasties.
Now is the time for all good virgins to come to the aid of their panties.
Oh, those wacky pandas!
Wed 15 August 2007
15:37:07

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.

"Why?" asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

"Well, I'm a panda," he says at the door. "Look it up."

The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. "Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."

(Source: Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eats,_Shoots_&_Leaves
Fortune Cookie
Wed 8 September 2010
16:23:54

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a "Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble. - Mahatma Ghandi